Yesterday evening I was in my feelings about my medications. This morning I am not any closer to getting out of them.
For some odd reason I haven’t been to sleep. I broke night. And when I crash, I’m not going hear anyone. This morning my oldest started texting in him, his sister an I’s group chat. About our cellphone bill. Upon doing so I realized we’ve ran into yet another controversy. I say we but at this point it is on me.
As of right now we’re all separated. And he’s the only one with even a little bit of income. His paycheck would leave him with nothing after paying the rest of the bill. Which means I have to take on the task of trying to get money for the rest of the cellphone bill, our storage, and how the heck we’re going to get my daughters things from her College to our storage.
And of course, being that my parents have been holding me down financially . The only one that I could think of immediately is my dad. Who’s been thankfully helping us out a lot more. As I type this I’m crying.
The both of my parents may not have much; but they help us as much as they can. Even though it’s not even really their responsibility. I am so grateful for them and it’s not even funny. I don’t know what I would do without the two of them. This is one of the most devastating times of my life.
Now I’ve gotten help from a now old friend; that this situation of mine has caused me to fall out with. As well as much Auntie; and my best friend( who I’m sure will probably say she hasn’t done anything),and she’s done more than she thinks. Even though the situation isn’t ideal. Heck and in both cases I probably shouldn’t be there. But they’ve been a great help as well. Surprisingly in my old friends head I was ungrateful. Even after expressing almost every chance I had gotten that I was very grateful.
I say I’m crying, and I mean I am really sitting here crying as I type this. I’m beyond overwhelmed and am tired of having to lean on anyone. I’m not used to this crap. It’s has me questioning a lot of different things. And also asking why when I know I shouldn’t. I had been working since I was 15 years old. It hurts me deeply because I can hardly do much .With these flare ups I have going on. Today it’s the shakes(great)
I’m just happy that I do/did have anyone in our corner. I can only imagine how people that have no one at all do this. This is a burden I wouldn’t wish on any one at all. How do the people that do handle it? What do they do in times like this? Do they speak to counselors The two I spoke to weren’t very much help)? Or psychiatrists?
I’m sure me speaking about things I’m going through has everyone looking at me sideways. This is the point in my life that I really don’t care how anyone feels. Especially if it isn’t from my children, my parents, and my friends that have actually been through this with us.
Hopefully you all will see this. When you do just know you’re appreciated! Thank you for holding us down when we couldn’t.
If you’ve taken the time out to read, please share and donate if you like. I hope this helps someone other than just myself. It helps me by getting all of my crazy thoughts out of my head. Instead of holding the pain and suffering that I’m enduring in.