Monday, June 3, 2019

Insomnia along with a little fear

  Like most nights it was hard for me to fall asleeep. When I finally stopped reading on my kindle app(yes, I love to read. My writing/blogging just became a need to get things off my chest);put my phone down,and tried to get comfortable, I felt like my body was becoming immobile.
 I literally couldn’t move any of my limbs for almost a minute. Which has me terrified.
  So now instead of sleeping I’m still up writing this. That is why this is titled the way it is. Now I’d actually like to go to sleep. I’m afraid that if do go to sleep I’ll wake up and not be able to move. It sucks because I actually have an appointment in the morning. 
  I’ve read countless articles about things that could possibly happen to me. With me having the multiple sclerosis.Yet,to actually start experiencing these things is unnerving.
 In 2012 when I was diagnosed I had no idea what I was in for. The minor flare ups(relapses) I’ve had was like a walk in the park compared to this. 
One day I’m fine,the next I’m having spasms or shakes. Or weakness, tingling, and let’s not forget numbness.
 Why me? Why did this have to come disrupt my life? Have people looking at me as though I’m not doing enough? When in reality I cannot do too much. Can’t sit too long, can’t stand too long, and apparently can’t sleep too long. 
  I just want things to go back to how they were .And to go back to work. Not have to depend on people. Trust me if it bothers you could you imagine how I feel? Even though I’m grateful for all of the help.
  Just know I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Including my worse enemy!
   I need to get into a better living situation before things get to that point. So if you have a moment of time, a little compassion,or are just a prayer warrior;Take a moment and pray for me. As well as my babies!

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