Saturday, June 15, 2019

Not what you expected for me to be

   I didn't ask to be sick and need help. I didn't ask to have a messed up childhood. To have children at a young age and not have support.

  I've been biting my tongue for years. I've always felt like the outsider. Throughout this particular struggle I feel it even more.
 
 I got an opportunity and I'm still in a messed up position. No money,no stable place to lay my head(need to get to a shelter and can't even afford to get there), got a call back for housing and can't get what I need(misplaced my birth certificate and I need copies made), or get to the place(it's an hour and a half away).
 
  Things have been difficult for me my whole life. Some people would rather ignore that than to acknowledge it. I'm struggling now because of my health. Not because I do drugs or because I am a drunk(i'm literally broke can't afford neither one). This really hurts to know even throughout my trying i'm still being looked at like i'm not doing enough.

  I struggled to make sure my kids had/have things. With minimal help. I've been having my youngest used against me even to this day. Working since I was 16. At which point my main priority was making sure they had what they needed. Seemed like I was the only one that cared to make sure of that. They actually gave my life meaning.

 There's so much I want to write about. But I'll hurt a whole lot of peoples feelings. When I originally got the idea to start writing I wanted to write about my life. But because of my caring heart I chose not to.

   I've had hungry nights as a child.Heck and nights as an adult were my kids eating was all that mattered. Whore hand me down clothes. Slept in a house with messed up heat and at times no lights.

  I was bullied in my younger years. Fought to try and earn my respect. Got kicked out of school and went threw Juvenile detention. All because I had to go without stuff. Not many people knew about that.

  I'm sure this position isn't one I was destined to be in. Things could have been a lot different. I wonder why they weren't? Even being in this position I'm working on trying to make it better.


 I'm sorry I was not in a position to be get better opportunities. I'm sorry I'm sick and can't get more. I'm sorry I have to depend on other people. I'm sorry that I couldn't have money saved for times like this.

 I wish I could be back to work picking up hours. So I could back to my own little corner ignoring peoples existence. So, I wouldn't have to hear about what I'm doing wrong. Like they've ever been in my position.

With that being said my family still needs help.Please click on the link below and help and share.

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