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Monday, July 1, 2019


   There's so many thoughts going through my head. Some good and some bad. I'm unsure of how much more of this I can take. I'm already stressed out because I'm constantly trying to figure out ways to pull myself out of what It is I am going through.

 From me having to stay with other people (three times in 10 months). Not being able to spend time with my kids when I'd like to. Having to depend on other people for money.  Not knowing how I'm going to pay my bills.

 Then to feel like I'm bothering anyone for anything.When I'm not used to it at all. I actually enjoyed having my own place. Making my own money and moving to the beat of my own drum.

   Currently I'm sitting here on the break of tears wishing this would be over already.

 If I get a part time job; Will the employer be willing to except the fact that I may randomly need to take days off? I'm not talking about regular scheduled time of.I'm talking about times were I may have paresthesia (however its spelled), muscle spasms, or even the weakness I get occasionally. Stuff I get randomly with Multiple Sclerosis.

  It really bothers me. When people form opinions about my health. Just because this particular week was a good  one doesn't mean the next one will be.

I wish people would stop just assuming and maybe take a moment to ask: How I'm doing? What my mental health is like? What's on my mind at the moment?

 Stop acting as though I was grateful to not be making the almost $26 an hour I was making. Even though it was part time. I still managed to make enough to get by.

  I hate the fact that I'm subjected to sitting around awaiting a decision from disability. Or to try an get housing,section 8,or Rap. I assumed I wouldn't have had to go back to having to try and live off of those programs.

 It's bad that here in the State of Connecticut there aren't any programs available to help me. No emergency housing, income( the State of Connecticut turned me away for cash because my inexperienced with Multiple Sclerosis Doctor stated I can work 20 hrs. Yet,I got denied my med card for my Cdl. My Cna license expired years ago. And have little experience in other fields. ),or shelters here.

 How/why is there a waiting list for shelters?  Especially for people that have became sick. I've worked since I was 16 years old paid more than enough taxes in the state only to be turned away.

I guess I'm just having a moment right now.

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