Showing posts with label Anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anxiety. Show all posts

Friday, August 21, 2020

Re-edit /Surviving Multiple Sclerosis with Mzlittlejohn

How can people expect for you to open up to them about your feelings? When you speak to most people about them, they just start telling you about theirs, or what you should be doing. Most times it’s after you’ve exhausted almost all of your options. What I've been doing lately is writing about them.
If people take the time out to read my writings, they’d understand them better. With the things I have been going through ;although I feel it’s embarrassing, and people are looking at me differently ;this just works better.
I am at the point in my life where I can care less about how people feel. It's initially not for them, it's for me. And it actually helps me get it out. No interruptions, or hearing other peoples thoughts, or what they would do. 
I have to deal with the people telling me no. I have to deal with being sent to different programs. I have to deal with my children no longer having stability ;as well as not having an income, staying with other people, and not knowing if tomorrow will be the day that I’m told I have to leave.
Or having a conversation and seeing something that triggers my tears. Yes, I have those days. Days that I’d just rather be alone with my thoughts. Of Course there is some when I don’t need to be alone.
A lot of times that is my only option. Because right now I am not at liberty to have that option.
One day I’ll get back to not having to result to this. And maybe have conversations with someone who understands.
As of right now, it cannot be done. Especially if when have moments where I have to bite my tongue. Or end up with the conversation being about them or someone else and not me.
As of right now, the conversation's about my feelings. Lets just stick to it being written, typed, and maybe in one of my latest YouTube videos. Heck at the moment, it’s here. And will probably end up back here again.
Because trying to obtain followers on my YouTube page at the moment isn’t getting far. I’m not funny, refuse to do crazy stuff, and just have not quite found my niche with that.
At the moment, there aren't that many videos on there. Currently I’m at a stand still when it comes to what I’d like to talk about. The video I posted before the last was on trying to obtain voice over work. Can you believe they want you to pay upfront to find work? I mean if I had money, I wouldn't t be trying to pay them for work.
I wonder if I pay them, does it guarantee me jobs? Or leads or whatever they consider it? I’m afraid it’ll be a waste of time anyway.
I am not in no way saying that I am no longer interested. In fact I’m still trying to get around having to pay. I’m broke, can you blame me?
If you've gotten this far thank you. I’d say thanks for reading  this far. You're reading this piece written be me. And it is much appreciated. Since this seems to be the best way for me to get my feelings out; there will be more eventually. How often? That is what I’m not to sure about.
Check out my my YouTube page as. The links should be available here( on the left of the web version of this site. 
Please don't hesitate to comment. And follow this blog (again on the left of the web version of this page).


Thursday, April 16, 2020

Getting Closer to the Were I Need to Be

Hello Hello Hello!
  
    It’s been a little while since I’ve typed up a blog. 

When this Covid19 came about, I started having real bad anxiety, which cut into my creativity. Which I know I shouldn’t have allowed; but it happen, and I’m working through it.
   
 I’ve been thinking long and hard about what it was I wanted to come back with.  And thanks to a very good friend of mind I figured it out. 

  And I’d like to first say thank you to him. Yes, him and no he’s not a boyfriend and has never been one. Let me start by clarifying that first. We grew up together and he’s actually one of the few people I can really consider a friend/ family!

 Anyway I’ve applied for disability in October of 2018. I got denied. Then had a reconsideration and got denied for that. And I was finally able to get a hearing. 
 
 Mind you up until a few months ago I had no income. And I’m living off of $219 + food stamps(don’t ask how I’ve been doing it I’m still not sure). If it wasn’t for my family and a few friends(Thank you guys again!)I don’t know how I’d be getting by. I truly thank the man above for them!

 I believe the hearing went well. Although there were moments that I was a little skeptical. I’m hopeful that it’ll turn out for the best. 

 Now I have 30 days to get them paperwork from my therapist. And I pray the final decision won’t take that long after.

  Yes, I see a therapist. I’ve been seeing her for a few months now and she’s the bomb!  I’m not sure I’d have been able to get past these anxiety attacks without her.

  With that being said keep me in your prayers. As I am doing the same for you all!  Hopefully I’ll be back sooner with more content. And thanks again my friend for the push. I appreciate it!