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Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts

Friday, August 21, 2020


I hate being reminded of things. Recently I've lost primary custody of my youngest son, due to the issue I have going on, like me being hospitalized, losing my job, and awaiting a response from social security.
I'm really hurt about his father being greedy for money and taking me back to court. Especially being that he's made it seem as though our child was in danger, when he went to school every day, doctors appointments were scheduled an attended, he had new/clean clothes on every day. Yes, that was without me having an income or a car.
I can admit us living house to house was not ideal. But he was in no way shape or form in any type of harm. I love all of my children with everything in me. And most times I would go without to make sure they had. He knew that.
Although it did nott matter to him because his only concern was to get assistance from the state of Connecticut. What kind of man actually makes it his business to try and defraud the state when he actually works? And makes really good money doing so. Yes, this has been reported several times to several different departments. The response was they couldn't do anything because he had his own business and couldn't really track his income (interesting, right?
With all of this going on I chose to sit back and ponder my thoughts, rather than open up and speak about them. Being that its easier for me to deal with them that way. Yes, it bothers me that I only see him every other weekend. And that when I do have him, we have to walk on pins and needles (don't want to get into that part), just to not ruffle any feathers.
It's just so much easier for me to handle it that way. When it's brought up, I'm brought to tears. I've cried more than enough tears and would rather avoid them. I hope everyone could understand that!
I'm not trying to be harsh or trying to stop you from feeling a certain way about how I should feel. But me crying and lashing out isn't going to get me far at all. It all stalls the process I have to take a bit more. Stops me from taking the time to send emails to get help, applying for programs that'll help us, or even writing to attempt to try and make some type of living.
Trying to find a job with no experience and really messed up heath issue just isn't working for me. The reminders of things I could be doing would be doing, and right now just can't do is hurting my situation more. It's not you it really is me. I forgive you for bringing it up. I just hope you can do the same for me. Even if you don't understand or care. Just please take a moment and try to keep that in mind.
I just rather not be reminded.
Please take a moment to share this if you've read it. And maybe even comment and follow if you like. I'm trying to get better at this. Thanks, have a good day!

Monday, August 3, 2020

To My Children

             The Statements in both of these photos are kind of for all of you. I found them on Pinterest and couldn't resist posting them. The only difference being that two of you are boys and one of you is a girl. I Love you all unconditionally; and I hope you'll never forget that, nor the words that I am trying to get through to you here!

You Guys Know I've always been overbearing. Just know One day You'll understand exactly why!

Don't Ever Forget This My Only Daughter (Insider)

 The Highlighted Links below these photos are  the links to Pinterest were I got these photos from!

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Instagram story inspiration


 I hope you’ve watched the short Instagram clip. It touched me this morning. Had me about ready to cry. 

  I was once a 16 year old that gave birth. Got pregnant at 15. Although I didn’t allow anyone to take my title from me. Yes,I was young. Yes, I had no idea what I was doing.Or how I was going to care for that child. Although I did what it was I had to do.

 And being young and misled I did it again 3 years later. And another six years  after that.

 This story had me in my feelings for a minute. Even though I was a child having to raise a child. My people was there but they weren't if that makes any sense.  just wouldn't consider myself although I was young not to be a mother.That's just a story for a different day. When I tell you it's deep I mean just that. I just rather not put anyone for they way they've held down the positions that they've held in my life.
By the grace of God I did it!
  I was literally about to shed tears watching this video. Although things are discombobulated right now. Things got done back then. And I am grateful.

  That now young man I had at 16 ;Is a 22 year old amazingly handsome intelligent young mart today. And the child I had three years later. At 19 years old smart mouth although equally intelligent beautiful young woman. And my baby boy another smart mouth individual became all of our baby. Is a 12 year old stubborn,smart hardworking(if you've met him or ever get to meet him you'd understand what I mean) young handsome boy(don't tell him I called him that.

Hopefully you get where I'm going with this. You never know who's story will touch you and have you thinking more about things you've experienced in life! I commend that young lady for telling her story. One day I'll go into full detail about mine.

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Somewhat got an offer for housing

 So,I submitted all of the paperwork for housing. The offer was specifically for individuals with Multiple Sclerosis. I got all of the way up there and it was only for a one bedroom. And it was far away from my family and friends.

   68 miles away to be exact. I did submit the paperwork. Although I haven't gotten a call back. If I get it I'd have to take it until something better comes along. In the meantime. I'm still jumping from place to place.

 This particular time I called around to get a spot at the shelters. And of course they don't have any room. I'm happy I found somewhere to go though.

  I'll be filling out for the upcoming rap applications soon. I'd be beyond grateful if I was to get that. Especially if there's enough room for my kids. All three of them. There's nothing like everyone having their own space.

 I hope if you've taken the time out to read this that you'd take the time to share. 

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

We need to take better care of ourselves

  I noticed there’s a lot of people don’t go to the doctors often. Unless they’re sick.  Sometimes they go when its a little too late. Which is not a good thing at all.

 I’m saying this because I’d like people to get on top of it. Schedule regular medical appointments.Follow up and stay on top of things.

  Myself included. I know I have a tendency to ignore things that are going on with my body. I really hate having to go to the doctors. There's almost always something to be concerned about afterwards.For me it is anyway.

 With family members that having major health issues: It should automatically push you to get your health checked out.

 During a few of my regular appointments after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis; I found out that I had two other  health issues. One regarding my heart the other is my Thyroids.

 So, I'm constantly going to medical appointments. Every three months, six months, yearly, and sometimes in-between I have appointments scheduled. I have a primary doctor(even though I'm about to replace him), heart doctor, an endocrinologist,as well as and obgyn. I'd just rather be aware of whats going on.

 I'm just putting this out there to say don't wait until it's too late. Some things  can be treated.  There's also some things can't be treated. But it's easier to try and manage it when you know. Take care of your body! I don't care if it's just a slight cough or a runny nose. Sometimes it's not just a cough or runny nose.

 We also need to try different ways to eat healthier. I know it's easier said than done. Fruits and vegetables can be a little expensive. Now that the weather has changed up lets start looking into the farmers market prices. Heck or even find the closes farm available. And drink lots of water to avoid dehydration.

  This has been on my mind for the last few weeks. I was unsure of how to go about writing about it. I hope you guys take what I am saying into consideration. Take better care of yourselves.

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

This is week was a good week

 Health wise this was a great one. I had a migraine here and there. My migraine pills work most times. Other times I have to take Motrin or Aleve  to ease them. I actually just took two Aleve pills.
   It would probably be nice if I could take Tylenol like most people. Having allergies to certain stuff really sucks.   I'm just happy I don't have to walk around with an Epipen like a lot of people.

 Those of you that do make sure you always have it on hand.  Although last week I woke up with hives. And I have no idea what caused it. I kind of wish I had one then.I sure took them Benadryl  pills as fast as I could. The children's Benadryl would have worked even faster. There's no little babies around us so that was a no go.
 I think this particular migraine is caused by me stressing. I have bills that I can't afford to pay. So i'm concerned with how that going to get done. As well as i'm searching for something at the moment that I'd rather not talk about.

I mean you guys already know some of the things i'm searching for (housing, part time job, and how i'm going to keep this storage and phone bill paid). This is just something I'd rather not disclose at the moment.

  I have been applying for jobs. I'm either nowhere near the location. Or don't have a qualification or two they they're requiring. I wish I hadn't been denied my med card. Otherwise I'd be burning the road down in somebody's bus or company vehicle.

  Me driving for a living was kind of relaxing at times. When I was able to site see. And not have to focus so hard on the road and directions. And when I got lost lol. That's what my aunt and I act as though was a game. Even when we were really lost a couple times.

Anyway this migraine is still not easing up.  Even after me taking the Aleve. I'll try to write again later on this week. I just figured I'd come with an article today instead of more pictures and videos. Hopefully you all are or have enjoyed your day!

Friday, June 7, 2019

Am I momming Right

 Yes, I said that. I’m not sure if that’s a word or not. Quit frankly I don’t care. I’m laughing as I type this.
  For the past few days my youngest child has been calling me. Every morning and every other night. Asking why he has to go to school this last few days. I guess dad really didn’t want to be bothered so he threw it off on me.
   Even after explaining to him that he needs his education. I’m told they’re not doing much work. I didn’t make my two oldest go on the last days. He’s not going to have a lot of time to enjoy his summer. I still stand by him needing to go his self to school.
  Of course, he’s not trying to hear it. And now I’m about to be blocked from calling his phone. I’m annoying, childish, and last but not least I am the worst.
  He has no idea that this type of things go into his school record. Nor that he’s actually hurting my feelings. I’m sure he probably doesn’t even care.
 It has me thinking am I the annoying and childish mom? And then I remember as a mom that’s not for me to really care about. That’s on him.
  When he gets older. Around or maybe even older this his adult siblings he’ll understand. I’m almost positive at one point or another they felt the same way.
 I’m not here for him to like me or to be his friend. I’m here to listen and try my best to guide him in the right direction. So, I guess in a way I am momming right! Are you?

Monday, June 3, 2019

Insomnia along with a little fear

  Like most nights it was hard for me to fall asleeep. When I finally stopped reading on my kindle app(yes, I love to read. My writing/blogging just became a need to get things off my chest);put my phone down,and tried to get comfortable, I felt like my body was becoming immobile.
 I literally couldn’t move any of my limbs for almost a minute. Which has me terrified.
  So now instead of sleeping I’m still up writing this. That is why this is titled the way it is. Now I’d actually like to go to sleep. I’m afraid that if do go to sleep I’ll wake up and not be able to move. It sucks because I actually have an appointment in the morning. 
  I’ve read countless articles about things that could possibly happen to me. With me having the multiple sclerosis.Yet,to actually start experiencing these things is unnerving.
 In 2012 when I was diagnosed I had no idea what I was in for. The minor flare ups(relapses) I’ve had was like a walk in the park compared to this. 
One day I’m fine,the next I’m having spasms or shakes. Or weakness, tingling, and let’s not forget numbness.
 Why me? Why did this have to come disrupt my life? Have people looking at me as though I’m not doing enough? When in reality I cannot do too much. Can’t sit too long, can’t stand too long, and apparently can’t sleep too long. 
  I just want things to go back to how they were .And to go back to work. Not have to depend on people. Trust me if it bothers you could you imagine how I feel? Even though I’m grateful for all of the help.
  Just know I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Including my worse enemy!
   I need to get into a better living situation before things get to that point. So if you have a moment of time, a little compassion,or are just a prayer warrior;Take a moment and pray for me. As well as my babies!

Sunday, June 2, 2019

Re-posting this post Re-edited blog/ About My second attempt at this

  So,I started what I assumed was a blog before.On Vocal Media but I've since deactivated that account. After I'd posted three different articles I realized that wasn't the route I had wanted to go.On that site.

 I assumed I'd get more traffic. Not really sure exactly how I was going to do so. I shared it on my pages. Several times might I add.  I'd even sent it to few friends and family members look at it. I'm assuming because it might of been a little to real(I've been and am still going threw some things in my life as well as with my finances); not too many people gravitated to it. or they just didn't care.

 The site itself was okay I guess. A great starter for me. It pushed me to look further into things.

  Which led me here. I didn't like how the payouts were listed on that site,after I got to my third article, and realized at that rate  I'd never get anywhere. Nor to get my stories out like i'd like.
 Although I did like how it allowed for people to give tips. Something about the sit itself didn't sit well with my spirit. Which led to blogger and eventuality my own website . Were I signed up for ads , added my cashapp,and also my paypal links. That way if people would like to donate they could .Or they could just click on and ad or two.

  Again that was is my first time actually blogging and can assure you it wasn't my last. I have a YouTube page as well (Mz Littlejohn) you can look at what I've shared there as well.

 I hope that I can be a help to someone as well as myself in doing this.

I hope you enjoy and continue to hang in here with me. Have a great day.


Saturday, June 1, 2019

Perseverance even in the worst time of our lives

       Aside from everything My family has going on;My kids continue to strive for greatness. That is one of the greatest gifts they could give me. They continued to push forward even during these stressful  times. They are the best and even when rocking with me throughout my struggles they're doing their thing!
   Even though they've all wanted to give up a time or two. If you guys could have been a fly on a wall during these conversations. I swear you guys would've cried and laughed with me. That's exactly what they've made me do at times.

 The youngest one included. The oldest two's situations were understandable. Both are in college one in the first year (MonroeCollege) the other on Senior( Uconn).
 My youngest is just lazy when it comes to his education. He'd rather try and go to work with his dad instead. He's not like that when it comes to working. That boy will make sure you have all of the supplies needed for the job. Most like how much they cost,were you can get them,and the price of him going to get them as well. As well as get the job done as perfectly as he can. Just make sure you have his money available as soon as he's done.

  I said all of that to say , I'm happy that us pushing the difference between an educated individual, and an uneducated individual trying to get money. Most times with just a high school diploma getting a decent paying job can be a challenge. Not saying the same can't be said for some people with college degree's. Either way the difference was noticed.

   I'm grateful that they took heed to the words that where spoke to the. And they are continuing to push forward. The littlest one as well. Even though he's just in middle school.
   Speak about greatness to your children. Ask about their thoughts and their dreams. Pay attention to the things they like to do. Make suggestions about things they could do around o in those fields.
  Perseverance can make a difference in anyone's life!

Sunday, May 19, 2019

Surviving Multiple Sclerosis/ help and mental health

      I’ve happened to notice a few things. Over the past couple of months. People say when you need help to reach out. If you don’t speak on it no one know. When is it that when people do they turn a blind eye to it? Which takes a lot out of people because it is really embarrassing.
  Not everyone feels that way. And I understand that some people aren’t in a place to help. It just has me thinking some people end up in even worse situations because of it.
 Whether it be from friends, family, or even programs that are out here to(help) people.
 The programs that are out here to help people have many clauses. And to me most of them don’t make any sense. I sit and think on why people tend to go out and harm themselves and sometimes other people. Now, I understand some people tend to lie about things. Not everyone is built like that.
 A lot of people myself included really need help. And the only way to get them is to be an alcoholic, a drug addicted individual, or to live in a dangerous shelter(yes, I said that).
   Where is the programs for people like me; who can’t get assistance from the state except food stamps and medical(awaiting a disability decision)? What kind of help is really out there?
  I’ve applied for part time jobs. Although I don’t have that many degrees/certificates. The ones I did obtain in the past can’t be utilized. I previously held a Certification Nurse Assistant certificate as well as a commercial drivers license(class b with several endorsements).Both expired one because I hadn’t utilized it in years the other because my current health condition wouldn’t allow them to approve me to work.
Who really wants someone with Multiple Sclerosis(that occasionally has flare ups) driving them around or caring for sick individuals?
  I can’t go back work on my Associates degree, start any program, because I can’t do all of the hours. I’m limited to 20 hours. Which I’m unsure of whether or not I can actually do that. With me having weakness, numbness, tingling, and my leg sometimes giving out on me.
  Is it that people really don’t care, can’t, or won’t help people in positions like mine? Things of this nature really can have a hazardous affect on people’s mental health. Or does that not matter when people aren’t actually taking medication for it? Or not seeking professional help for it?
   I take enough meds already and would rather not have someone judge me any more than what they already are.
  I’m using these blogs and my YouTube channel to vent, gain insight, and eventually gain some type of income. As well as to help myself deal with my multiple sclerosis as well as other people.
 I am on sites: vocal media and  YouTube .Links provided if you have a moment check them out!



Friday, May 17, 2019

surviving Multiple Sclerosis/My Medication

  It is a needle a have to inject 3 times a week. It comes in a prefilled syringe. Sent to me once a month. When I was diagnosed it was highly recommended by my neurologist. And I absolutely hate it. Even though it helps prevent me from having major flare ups. They seemed easier to manage in the beginning.
   I have really light skin and I almost always get red marks. Every so often I get sores at my injection sites. And before you ask Yes, have to inject myself. I’m able to stick it in my thighs, my stomach, the meaty part of my arms, and my butt. Although I usually use my stomach and my thighs. It hurts me when I use the other sites.
   Being that last month I got a sore on one side of my stomach. Which had me using antibiotics for a week. And still has me sitting here with a scab. On Saturday I noticed another sore coming on the other side of my stomach. It really sucks and is painful.Also not cute at all.
 Today I decided to start using my arms as well. It hurt like hell. And I can’t see it at the moment I’m sure it’ll be red when I’m able to look at it. I go to see my doctor next month and I’ll have to tell him about it. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to go and see him a little bit earlier.
I’m writing about it today because I’m sitting here ready to cry about it. He told me the last time I saw him that he may have to make a change to my medication. I’m not sure what to expect with that one. I actually never took the time out to research other medications. What are some of the medications you’ve heard of or take?
  So, I don’t know if I’ll end up with another needle for a shorter period of time. Or some type of pills. I’m about tired of those because I think I take too many already. Although being a Certified Nurse Aide as well as Medication certified(working in a group home). So, at one point in my life I’ve seen people have to take way more medications than I take now. I think its just that fact that I have to take them period; Is why I am even making a complaint.
  It has me wondering if I had never ended up with Multiple Sclerosis would I have still had to take all of these pills? Would I being going through the aches and pains that I experience? Or the hospitalizations? Would I have ended up out of work like I am? Or even living from couch to couch like I am?
I’m to the point were is frustrating me.
  I’m also feeling like it’s taking forever and a day for me to get myself out of this situation. Like I’m making people uncomfortable in their own homes. And the shelter is an option but I’m afraid to go.
   I got a call the other day about an article on the one I’d have to go to. So, I started looking at other articles about the place. One stated someone had gotten stabbed there about two weeks ago. Then about the staff mistreating the people forcing them to sleep in chairs. As well as them having all types of drug addicted individuals and alcoholics around there.
 I mean with the way I’m getting sores that are becoming infected already; I’d probably end up with an even worse infection.
I said all of that to say I hate taking my needle. Even though I’m still going to take it.

Surviving Multiple Sclerosis/ My parents, family, and friends

   Yesterday evening I was in my feelings about my medications. This morning I am not any closer to getting out of them.
    For some odd reason I haven’t been to sleep. I broke night. And when I crash, I’m not going hear anyone. This morning my oldest started texting in him, his sister an I’s group chat. About our cellphone bill.  Upon doing so I realized we’ve ran into yet another controversy. I say we but at this point it is on me.
    As of right now we’re all separated. And he’s the only one with even a little bit of income. His paycheck would leave him with nothing after paying the rest of the bill. Which means I have to take on the task of trying to get money for the rest of the cellphone bill, our storage, and how the heck we’re going to get my daughters things from her College to our storage.
  And of course, being that my parents have been holding me down financially . The only one that I could think of immediately is my dad. Who’s been thankfully helping us out a lot more. As I type this I’m crying.
   The both of my parents may not have much; but they help us as much as they can. Even though it’s not even really their responsibility. I am so grateful for them and it’s not even funny. I don’t know what I would do without the two of them. This is one of the most devastating times of my life.
  Now I’ve gotten help from a now old friend; that this situation of mine has caused me to fall out with. As well as much Auntie; and my best friend( who I’m sure will probably say she hasn’t done anything),and she’s done more than she thinks. Even though the situation isn’t ideal. Heck and in both cases I probably shouldn’t be there. But they’ve been a great help as well.  Surprisingly in my old  friends head I was ungrateful. Even after expressing almost every chance I had gotten that I was very grateful.
  I say I’m crying, and I mean I am really sitting here crying as I type this. I’m beyond overwhelmed and am tired of having to lean on anyone. I’m not used to this crap. It’s has me questioning a lot of different things. And also asking why when I  know I shouldn’t. I had been working since I was 15 years old. It hurts me deeply because I can hardly do much .With these flare ups I have going on. Today it’s the shakes(great)
   I’m just happy that I do/did have anyone in our corner. I can only imagine how people that have no one at all do this. This is a burden I wouldn’t wish on any one at all. How do the people that do handle it? What do they do in times like this? Do they speak to counselors The two I spoke to weren’t very much help)? Or psychiatrists?
    I’m sure me speaking about things I’m going through has everyone looking at me sideways. This is the point in my life that I really don’t care how anyone feels. Especially if it isn’t from my children, my parents, and my friends that have actually been through this with us.
 Hopefully you all will see this. When you do just know you’re appreciated! Thank you for holding us down when we couldn’t.
 If you’ve taken the time out to read, please share and donate if you like. I hope this helps someone other than just myself. It helps me by getting all of my crazy thoughts out of my head. Instead of holding the pain and suffering that I’m enduring in.

Thursday, May 9, 2019

Surviving Multiple Sclerosis/ Help for the homeless

     I live in the state of Connecticut. I'm not sure how things work throughout the united states.
 I'm concerned about why it only seems like the state of Connecticut only helps drug addicted individuals,alcoholics,and people that live in shelters for long periods of times. I'm sick with multiple sclerosis and have been for several years.The end of last year my flare ups became a major issue for me. Up until that time I was able to manage it.
     The only thing I've really needed help with up until recently was medical and every so often food stamps. Food stamps was an issue because my income always went up and down.
 My concern is why aren't there more programs to help people? People that get in situations such as my own? Without them having to be an alcoholic, on drugs,or in a shelter.
 I mean I'm living house to house. Why isn't that to them still considered homeless?
  What do they expect people t do? With no income coming in. And barely any available jobs that people like myself can do. Especially ones that would afford me the means of trying to pay for an apartment. If you don't know already the rents here are very high priced.
 If there isn't at least to or three people with incomes it's almost impossible to survive.
  What are the people that are awaiting income determination decisions expected to do?
 I've also contacted several state representatives(who I won't name)and got one almost and I mean almost answer. And I'm praying it helps!
 If anyone can push me in the right direction it would be greatly appreciated!

Surviving Multiple Sclerosis/Understanding peoples:my feelings

Not knowing how I’m going to feel from one day to the next. From having paresthesis (I’m probably misspelling it),to the cramping(throughout my body) ,the weakness, sometimes having my leg giving out on me.
I hate when someone makes it up in their head that I’m not as bad as I believe. Just because I haven’t said anything; or they can’t see it. I’m just not one to complain about things unless it becomes a major issue for me. I’m sorry you can’t see it or that I didn’t express exactly how I’m feeling to you.
I’ve worked most of my life. So for me to be going through this. For me to have to ask for help or need people to me allow me to stay with them it’s almost unbearable.
It’s taking everything in me not to just try and give up on everything and everybody. Like people have done to me countless times over the years.
My children is what keeps me. Helps me stay grounded. Makes me push forward. Even though I have all of the odds stacked against me.
I wish people would stop assuming I enjoy being out of work, depending on other people, waiting for assistance. I can’t go back to school because I’m limited to 20hrs. of work a week. The most experience I’ve had working was as a school bus driver. And although I could try and get my certification back to work as a cna; let’s face it who really wants someone that could possibly have a flare up taking care of their family member?
I feel like to matter how hard I try to get things done it never good enough. Also lets no forget he fact that I’ll either be walking or taking public transportation. Although I don’t mind it .It’s just not a great means of transportation. For anyone working in healthcare. Nor for a person like myself that has children all over the place.
Like I stated before I started this page as well as my YouTube page( Mz.Littlejohn ) to get some things off my chest. As well as to try and help others that may be facing similar issues. Not necessarily just people with MS.
If I can help anyone learn more about multiple sclerosis. Or deal with the issues that they are being dealt with in life I’m more than happy to help. It’s hard trying to deal with these types of thing on your own. And if most people are like myself rather not go sit in a group, hear about other people’s issues , or talk about their own for that matter;  I’m more than positive that I’m taking the correct way of doing so.
I just hope that people would try harder understanding. Some things people go through is a lot easier when people take time to listen to them. Not assume that they aren’t capable or doing things the correct way. Because more often than not it’s not the case.
Try waking up out of your sleep with the shakes. having a cramp randomly (in your leg ,back, toe, arm etc.). Or attempting to get up to walk and do something and your leg just gives out on you. I can promise you at that moment anything you’re doing or trying to get done isn’t happening.
I Know I probably have a ton of grammatical errors. Please just hang in here with me. This is my second time venturing off to try and do something like this. And it also took me a while to do because I stated before you never know how someone feels. Lets just say at least two times during me writing this article I got cramps in my back. I hope you all enjoy my articles and continue to share them.