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Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 8, 2021

We Finally Got A Place

  I wanted to share this with you all. Since I've Been MIA mainly due to my depression. There has also been a ton of doctor appointments,  Ms physical therapy, as well as therapy appointments in-between there as well. I think you guys deserve to know that I wasn't not doing anything at all. I never gave up on trying to find a place of my own. Being that throughout everything that I've had going on; Since I've started my blogging journey mainly started because of my health not being able to work, not having an income, nor a place of my own.

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

This is week was a good week

 Health wise this was a great one. I had a migraine here and there. My migraine pills work most times. Other times I have to take Motrin or Aleve  to ease them. I actually just took two Aleve pills.
   It would probably be nice if I could take Tylenol like most people. Having allergies to certain stuff really sucks.   I'm just happy I don't have to walk around with an Epipen like a lot of people.

 Those of you that do make sure you always have it on hand.  Although last week I woke up with hives. And I have no idea what caused it. I kind of wish I had one then.I sure took them Benadryl  pills as fast as I could. The children's Benadryl would have worked even faster. There's no little babies around us so that was a no go.
 I think this particular migraine is caused by me stressing. I have bills that I can't afford to pay. So i'm concerned with how that going to get done. As well as i'm searching for something at the moment that I'd rather not talk about.

I mean you guys already know some of the things i'm searching for (housing, part time job, and how i'm going to keep this storage and phone bill paid). This is just something I'd rather not disclose at the moment.

  I have been applying for jobs. I'm either nowhere near the location. Or don't have a qualification or two they they're requiring. I wish I hadn't been denied my med card. Otherwise I'd be burning the road down in somebody's bus or company vehicle.

  Me driving for a living was kind of relaxing at times. When I was able to site see. And not have to focus so hard on the road and directions. And when I got lost lol. That's what my aunt and I act as though was a game. Even when we were really lost a couple times.

Anyway this migraine is still not easing up.  Even after me taking the Aleve. I'll try to write again later on this week. I just figured I'd come with an article today instead of more pictures and videos. Hopefully you all are or have enjoyed your day!

Sunday, June 2, 2019

Re-posting this post Re-edited blog/ About My second attempt at this

  So,I started what I assumed was a blog before.On Vocal Media but I've since deactivated that account. After I'd posted three different articles I realized that wasn't the route I had wanted to go.On that site.

 I assumed I'd get more traffic. Not really sure exactly how I was going to do so. I shared it on my pages. Several times might I add.  I'd even sent it to few friends and family members look at it. I'm assuming because it might of been a little to real(I've been and am still going threw some things in my life as well as with my finances); not too many people gravitated to it. or they just didn't care.

 The site itself was okay I guess. A great starter for me. It pushed me to look further into things.

  Which led me here. I didn't like how the payouts were listed on that site,after I got to my third article, and realized at that rate  I'd never get anywhere. Nor to get my stories out like i'd like.
 Although I did like how it allowed for people to give tips. Something about the sit itself didn't sit well with my spirit. Which led to blogger and eventuality my own website . Were I signed up for ads , added my cashapp,and also my paypal links. That way if people would like to donate they could .Or they could just click on and ad or two.

  Again that was is my first time actually blogging and can assure you it wasn't my last. I have a YouTube page as well (Mz Littlejohn) you can look at what I've shared there as well.

 I hope that I can be a help to someone as well as myself in doing this.

I hope you enjoy and continue to hang in here with me. Have a great day.


Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Surviving Multiple Sclerosis/ wishing I could go back to work

 Today I was online searching for jobs I could do part time. Work from home or any other job I could do part time. And I came across a site that I could sell my services to ( http://www.fiverr.com/s2/d913ce66a9 ).Funny Right?
  I say funny because;what services could I possibly sell to someone. I sat and I contemplated for a few and it came to me. I could wear clothes or products fit for plus size woman.
 It would have probably been really nice if I didn't have to put plus size. But, I will not complain. I'm trying to work.
  Although I have no experience doing so whatsoever. Of course my starting and only fee was currently beginning at $10. I can't say I sold myself short because I have no experience. If I get  the experience from doing It'll be changed ASAP.
  It's a big difference from what I made as a school bus driver. A job that I never thought I'd say I actually missed. Although I miss the money I made, I enjoyed most of the places it brought me, The students were wild at times but I miss them to. Especially the ones I spent years transporting. They drove me crazy and now it seems like i'm driving myself crazy.
 How do people do this?
 Sitting around all day trying to find work. In some cases not being able to at all.Which I'm also scared might be my issue eventually.
   Yes, I've been applying for different jobs. And I haven't gotten any call backs. More than likely it's from lack of experience.Which I wish I could have tried field other than Certified Nurse assistant (license expired) and Cdl class B license (that I had to downgrade). Both positions were unique. Offering me experience with  different people of all ages.
 I hope this works. Or these blogs and Youtube pages get to the point were I can make money from them.

Friday, May 17, 2019

surviving Multiple Sclerosis/My Medication

  It is a needle a have to inject 3 times a week. It comes in a prefilled syringe. Sent to me once a month. When I was diagnosed it was highly recommended by my neurologist. And I absolutely hate it. Even though it helps prevent me from having major flare ups. They seemed easier to manage in the beginning.
   I have really light skin and I almost always get red marks. Every so often I get sores at my injection sites. And before you ask Yes, have to inject myself. I’m able to stick it in my thighs, my stomach, the meaty part of my arms, and my butt. Although I usually use my stomach and my thighs. It hurts me when I use the other sites.
   Being that last month I got a sore on one side of my stomach. Which had me using antibiotics for a week. And still has me sitting here with a scab. On Saturday I noticed another sore coming on the other side of my stomach. It really sucks and is painful.Also not cute at all.
 Today I decided to start using my arms as well. It hurt like hell. And I can’t see it at the moment I’m sure it’ll be red when I’m able to look at it. I go to see my doctor next month and I’ll have to tell him about it. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to go and see him a little bit earlier.
I’m writing about it today because I’m sitting here ready to cry about it. He told me the last time I saw him that he may have to make a change to my medication. I’m not sure what to expect with that one. I actually never took the time out to research other medications. What are some of the medications you’ve heard of or take?
  So, I don’t know if I’ll end up with another needle for a shorter period of time. Or some type of pills. I’m about tired of those because I think I take too many already. Although being a Certified Nurse Aide as well as Medication certified(working in a group home). So, at one point in my life I’ve seen people have to take way more medications than I take now. I think its just that fact that I have to take them period; Is why I am even making a complaint.
  It has me wondering if I had never ended up with Multiple Sclerosis would I have still had to take all of these pills? Would I being going through the aches and pains that I experience? Or the hospitalizations? Would I have ended up out of work like I am? Or even living from couch to couch like I am?
I’m to the point were is frustrating me.
  I’m also feeling like it’s taking forever and a day for me to get myself out of this situation. Like I’m making people uncomfortable in their own homes. And the shelter is an option but I’m afraid to go.
   I got a call the other day about an article on the one I’d have to go to. So, I started looking at other articles about the place. One stated someone had gotten stabbed there about two weeks ago. Then about the staff mistreating the people forcing them to sleep in chairs. As well as them having all types of drug addicted individuals and alcoholics around there.
 I mean with the way I’m getting sores that are becoming infected already; I’d probably end up with an even worse infection.
I said all of that to say I hate taking my needle. Even though I’m still going to take it.

Surviving Multiple Sclerosis/ My parents, family, and friends

   Yesterday evening I was in my feelings about my medications. This morning I am not any closer to getting out of them.
    For some odd reason I haven’t been to sleep. I broke night. And when I crash, I’m not going hear anyone. This morning my oldest started texting in him, his sister an I’s group chat. About our cellphone bill.  Upon doing so I realized we’ve ran into yet another controversy. I say we but at this point it is on me.
    As of right now we’re all separated. And he’s the only one with even a little bit of income. His paycheck would leave him with nothing after paying the rest of the bill. Which means I have to take on the task of trying to get money for the rest of the cellphone bill, our storage, and how the heck we’re going to get my daughters things from her College to our storage.
  And of course, being that my parents have been holding me down financially . The only one that I could think of immediately is my dad. Who’s been thankfully helping us out a lot more. As I type this I’m crying.
   The both of my parents may not have much; but they help us as much as they can. Even though it’s not even really their responsibility. I am so grateful for them and it’s not even funny. I don’t know what I would do without the two of them. This is one of the most devastating times of my life.
  Now I’ve gotten help from a now old friend; that this situation of mine has caused me to fall out with. As well as much Auntie; and my best friend( who I’m sure will probably say she hasn’t done anything),and she’s done more than she thinks. Even though the situation isn’t ideal. Heck and in both cases I probably shouldn’t be there. But they’ve been a great help as well.  Surprisingly in my old  friends head I was ungrateful. Even after expressing almost every chance I had gotten that I was very grateful.
  I say I’m crying, and I mean I am really sitting here crying as I type this. I’m beyond overwhelmed and am tired of having to lean on anyone. I’m not used to this crap. It’s has me questioning a lot of different things. And also asking why when I  know I shouldn’t. I had been working since I was 15 years old. It hurts me deeply because I can hardly do much .With these flare ups I have going on. Today it’s the shakes(great)
   I’m just happy that I do/did have anyone in our corner. I can only imagine how people that have no one at all do this. This is a burden I wouldn’t wish on any one at all. How do the people that do handle it? What do they do in times like this? Do they speak to counselors The two I spoke to weren’t very much help)? Or psychiatrists?
    I’m sure me speaking about things I’m going through has everyone looking at me sideways. This is the point in my life that I really don’t care how anyone feels. Especially if it isn’t from my children, my parents, and my friends that have actually been through this with us.
 Hopefully you all will see this. When you do just know you’re appreciated! Thank you for holding us down when we couldn’t.
 If you’ve taken the time out to read, please share and donate if you like. I hope this helps someone other than just myself. It helps me by getting all of my crazy thoughts out of my head. Instead of holding the pain and suffering that I’m enduring in.

Thursday, May 9, 2019

Surviving Multiple Sclerosis/ Help for the homeless

     I live in the state of Connecticut. I'm not sure how things work throughout the united states.
 I'm concerned about why it only seems like the state of Connecticut only helps drug addicted individuals,alcoholics,and people that live in shelters for long periods of times. I'm sick with multiple sclerosis and have been for several years.The end of last year my flare ups became a major issue for me. Up until that time I was able to manage it.
     The only thing I've really needed help with up until recently was medical and every so often food stamps. Food stamps was an issue because my income always went up and down.
 My concern is why aren't there more programs to help people? People that get in situations such as my own? Without them having to be an alcoholic, on drugs,or in a shelter.
 I mean I'm living house to house. Why isn't that to them still considered homeless?
  What do they expect people t do? With no income coming in. And barely any available jobs that people like myself can do. Especially ones that would afford me the means of trying to pay for an apartment. If you don't know already the rents here are very high priced.
 If there isn't at least to or three people with incomes it's almost impossible to survive.
  What are the people that are awaiting income determination decisions expected to do?
 I've also contacted several state representatives(who I won't name)and got one almost and I mean almost answer. And I'm praying it helps!
 If anyone can push me in the right direction it would be greatly appreciated!

Surviving Multiple Sclerosis/Understanding peoples:my feelings

Not knowing how I’m going to feel from one day to the next. From having paresthesis (I’m probably misspelling it),to the cramping(throughout my body) ,the weakness, sometimes having my leg giving out on me.
I hate when someone makes it up in their head that I’m not as bad as I believe. Just because I haven’t said anything; or they can’t see it. I’m just not one to complain about things unless it becomes a major issue for me. I’m sorry you can’t see it or that I didn’t express exactly how I’m feeling to you.
I’ve worked most of my life. So for me to be going through this. For me to have to ask for help or need people to me allow me to stay with them it’s almost unbearable.
It’s taking everything in me not to just try and give up on everything and everybody. Like people have done to me countless times over the years.
My children is what keeps me. Helps me stay grounded. Makes me push forward. Even though I have all of the odds stacked against me.
I wish people would stop assuming I enjoy being out of work, depending on other people, waiting for assistance. I can’t go back to school because I’m limited to 20hrs. of work a week. The most experience I’ve had working was as a school bus driver. And although I could try and get my certification back to work as a cna; let’s face it who really wants someone that could possibly have a flare up taking care of their family member?
I feel like to matter how hard I try to get things done it never good enough. Also lets no forget he fact that I’ll either be walking or taking public transportation. Although I don’t mind it .It’s just not a great means of transportation. For anyone working in healthcare. Nor for a person like myself that has children all over the place.
Like I stated before I started this page as well as my YouTube page( Mz.Littlejohn ) to get some things off my chest. As well as to try and help others that may be facing similar issues. Not necessarily just people with MS.
If I can help anyone learn more about multiple sclerosis. Or deal with the issues that they are being dealt with in life I’m more than happy to help. It’s hard trying to deal with these types of thing on your own. And if most people are like myself rather not go sit in a group, hear about other people’s issues , or talk about their own for that matter;  I’m more than positive that I’m taking the correct way of doing so.
I just hope that people would try harder understanding. Some things people go through is a lot easier when people take time to listen to them. Not assume that they aren’t capable or doing things the correct way. Because more often than not it’s not the case.
Try waking up out of your sleep with the shakes. having a cramp randomly (in your leg ,back, toe, arm etc.). Or attempting to get up to walk and do something and your leg just gives out on you. I can promise you at that moment anything you’re doing or trying to get done isn’t happening.
I Know I probably have a ton of grammatical errors. Please just hang in here with me. This is my second time venturing off to try and do something like this. And it also took me a while to do because I stated before you never know how someone feels. Lets just say at least two times during me writing this article I got cramps in my back. I hope you all enjoy my articles and continue to share them.

Surviving Mulple Sclerosis/Apprehension

I've been sitting here feeling bad for myself. Wondering where I'm going to live, how I’m going to make sure my kids are situated, how long it's going to take for my disability claim to come through. Although I'm doing the best that I can. I still feel like I'm not doing enough.
I got on the internet, viewed a post about an old friend passing away(May she rest in peace),of course I assumed it was bullshit. Wondering how it could be her, what happened to her , how her child is taking it .Why when she's so young? In fact, she’s younger than I am.
At that moment I felt like my issues or my health didn't matter. All I wanted to do was cry. And god put a stop to that. It's funny how it came about.
I told my aunt what happened. Showed her a few of the young ladies’ pictures. Found my cousin in an old class picture. While doing so I ran across some pictures. A celebrity and her daughter. To be exact it was Gabrielle Union-Wade ( gabunion on IG) and her beautiful daughter Kaavia ( Kaaviajames on IG)James Union-Wade(forgive me if I wrote that wrong).
For some odd reason when you're on Facebook, and you go to another person’s page , when you get back to the page the picture magically disappears.
We somehow ended up on Instagram. At the time I refused to look for the baby’s name. I wouldn't have remembered how her name was spelled. So I  went straight to Gabrielle's page. Which led me to the baby’s page. And we laughed(because most of her captions are hilarious) and was in awe over her pictures.
Why did I have to hit backspace while doing so? We then landed on JaydeKamille's page(jaydekamille_ on IG) and we did the same on there. Yes, I did it again after that and ended up on Jaimesha Thomas' page(thatgirljaycole on IG) and we laughed so hard while going through her videos.
And my aunt attempted to leave me alone. I'm not sure if she sensed that I was on the verge of having a slight break down or not. But her sitting there talking to me made me think of other things. And instead of crying I ended up thinking of a thoughtful post to put on my friend that had away page.
I was so apprehensive about writing a post on her page. And when I saw the pick of Gabrielle and her baby: it gave me a few minutes, let me stop lying it was about an hour, to clear my head. It gave me a little more time to reflect on things in my life. As well more time to think about my friend and the times we once shared with her.
Thanks again for reading my post, maybe sharing it, and donating if you'd like! I’m unsure if I’m writing these articles the correct way or not. Also, on whether or not people even have taken the time to view my articles. Aside from the small amount of people that I do know. But I’m going to keep trying. I refuse to give up on this.
I was in my feelings when I did post this particular article. So initially there was a huge amount of errors. That I had to correct. Some that could be change and others that I absolutely could not change. And I’m hoping that I don’t have another issue with publishing this article because of it.
So please bear with me I’m going to figure out the hang of this site.
FYI:I did have more issues publishing this on Vocal. Which is why i'm just going to do it on here instead.First,it wasn't long enough, and had(what they considered errors),and after I made tha proper corrctions I still had issues. And i'm annoyed and over it so Blogger it is!lol
Please have a good one!

Not the answers I expected

Social media response

My feelings today

Doctors appointment

First video in regards to multiple sclerosis

Surviving Multiple Sclerosis/just because,voiceover

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Surviving Multiple Sclerosis/Inspiration

   You never know exactly what you'll get inspired by. Or when you'll get inspired. Nor, exactly what it would be that a person gets the inspiration to do. I love seeing people do good. No matter what it is they're doing. Going to school, for a better position at their job,starting their own business.

  I've always enjoyed reading. Which pushed me to want to be a writer.

   And through the mist of me getting into an accident,having a flare up,and basically losing just about everything. I lost the drive to continue. Little thing like me writing things like this; My inspiration comes back. Yet,with me still not seeing much progress I get depressed and push it off more.

 During the mist of these trials and tribulations that i'm enduring ; I need to find ways of getting myself out of this. So inspired to do something  I know will eventually flourish. But the not having my finances together and not having my own place(for my children and I) it gets so hard.

Especially when you don't think people care.

  Meaning they care but not enough to support you. They care but would rather ignore what you're trying to do. They care but would rather it be them doing it. So they decide support you isn't enough.
 I'm grateful for the people that do take their time out to look,read,share,or just take there time out to listen to you.
  I'm grateful that my parents take the time out to do what it is they can. That my children although their concerned and probably depressed about it as well continue to push.Realizing there is a bigger purpose at the end of our journey.
  I say our because we are in this together. And I love that about them.
 Although I'm inspired to do It( writing my book) I just can't take my focus off of trying to acquire my own enough to do it. How can I do that? When can I do that?
  I also would like to start some type of foundation. Or see if I can push someone to start programs for people in situations like mine.
  Why isn't my not having my own,and living house to house ,not enough reasoning for certain programs to help me? Why do I have to go stay in a shelter for any type of help?
  I mean I'm sick,can't work,have no income coming in, anticipating an approval for disability.The state of Connecticut says I can work though oh or go to school(How when I'm limited to 20 hrs and can't sit or stand for long periods of time?).
  Yet there's no program out there that can assist me.
So as you can see I am very inspired to do a couple of different thing; My depression,and being broke just won't allow me to take the time out for those things.