Getting Closer to the Were I Need to Be

Hello Hello Hello!

  

    It’s been a little while since I’ve typed up a blog. 

When this Covid19 came about, I started having real bad anxiety, which cut into my creativity. Which I know I shouldn’t have allowed; but it happen, and I’m working through it.

   

 I’ve been thinking long and hard about what it was I wanted to come back with.  And thanks to a very good friend of mind I figured it out. 

  And I’d like to first say thank you to him. Yes, him and no he’s not a boyfriend and has never been one. Let me start by clarifying that first. We grew up together and he’s actually one of the few people I can really consider a friend/ family!

 Anyway I’ve applied for disability in October of 2018. I got denied. Then had a reconsideration and got denied for that. And I was finally able to get a hearing. 

 

 Mind you up until a few months ago I had no income. And I’m living off of $219 + food stamps(don’t ask how I’ve been doing it I’m still not sure). If it wasn’t for my family and a few friends(Thank you guys again!)I don’t know how I’d be getting by. I truly thank the man above for them!

 I believe the hearing went well. Although there were moments that I was a little skeptical. I’m hopeful that it’ll turn out for the best. 

 Now I have 30 days to get them paperwork from my therapist. And I pray the final decision won’t take that long after.

  Yes, I see a therapist. I’ve been seeing her for a few months now and she’s the bomb!  I’m not sure I’d have been able to get past these anxiety attacks without her.

  With that being said keep me in your prayers. As I am doing the same for you all!  Hopefully I’ll be back sooner with more content. And thanks again my friend for the push. I appreciate it!

Insomnia along with a little fear

  Like most nights it was hard for me to fall asleeep. When I finally stopped reading on my kindle app(yes, I love to read. My writing/blogging just became a need to get things off my chest);put my phone down,and tried to get comfortable, I felt like my body was becoming immobile.

 I literally couldn’t move any of my limbs for almost a minute. Which has me terrified.

  So now instead of sleeping I’m still up writing this. That is why this is titled the way it is. Now I’d actually like to go to sleep. I’m afraid that if do go to sleep I’ll wake up and not be able to move. It sucks because I actually have an appointment in the morning. 

  I’ve read countless articles about things that could possibly happen to me. With me having the multiple sclerosis.Yet,to actually start experiencing these things is unnerving.

 In 2012 when I was diagnosed I had no idea what I was in for. The minor flare ups(relapses) I’ve had was like a walk in the park compared to this. 

One day I’m fine,the next I’m having spasms or shakes. Or weakness, tingling, and let’s not forget numbness.

 Why me? Why did this have to come disrupt my life? Have people looking at me as though I’m not doing enough? When in reality I cannot do too much. Can’t sit too long, can’t stand too long, and apparently can’t sleep too long. 

  I just want things to go back to how they were .And to go back to work. Not have to depend on people. Trust me if it bothers you could you imagine how I feel? Even though I’m grateful for all of the help.

  Just know I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Including my worse enemy!

   I need to get into a better living situation before things get to that point. So if you have a moment of time, a little compassion,or are just a prayer warrior;Take a moment and pray for me. As well as my babies!

Thing haven’t gotten much better

 Things still haven’t gotten much better. I was able to put in some housing applications.And check up on others.

  Got a part time job offer. That I thought I’d have been able to do. No longer having a car and the hours required for training nipped that in the bud. I’m sad but I guess that position wasn’t for me.

  Yes,I’m still not 100% but the disability claim is  

taking forever.And we need the money. I hope I can find a part time;and they understands I could possibly have a flareup (relapse).

 Yet,I’m hopeful. I got a bit of good news this weekend. And with the help we’ve gotten was able to cover the past months bills. I hope this month will work its way out a little better.We kind of cut it close. 

  My dad came through again.Right on time. And my kids continued to rock it out. Through the trails and tribulations we were blessed.

  We’re currently still in the same positions. Things are slowly moving in a better position.Continue to keep us in your prayers. And maybe help out with our GoFundMe(https://www.gofundme.com/f/1p8w4rxvhc&rcid=r01-156450513723-ee5b0779b317458d&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w)if you can.To those of you that have already you’re appreciated !