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Showing posts with label homeless. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homeless. Show all posts

Monday, November 30, 2020

Beyond Grateful


     Thank you for coming to my blog. I'm not sure if you're a frequent viewer or a newcomer but you are appreciated! If you've had a chance to read some of my past blogs you know that things have been really hard for me the past few years. 

If you haven't once again you're presence here is appreciated!

  Things still are (going hard for me/us). The thing is I haven't been complaining or bringing them up as much. Feeling as though people really don't really care. Or maybe really even don't want to take the time out to read about it.

   I've taken the time out while I'm feeling sort of okay today to type this up. Just to explain how grateful I am for the people that have helped us along this journey. Although it seems as though it is far from over.
 
 I still don't have my kids back together(yes, my kids although two of them are adults, one is still in college). And we are still living from house to house. Well, currently one more than others(if that makes sense). Meaning we are in one house more than we are in others. I'm truly grateful for the fact that we are not in the streets.

 Now the income issue is a whole other issue.  I'm currently living off of saga and food stamps. Still waiting for disability. An Issue I've been dealing with since being taken out of work in 2018.

 I cannot wait for the day to be able to pay it forward.

     Praying that those of you who are able to do so. Do so without judgment you don't know what people have gone through to get in the situations they are in! 


Thank you Once again to those of you that have been there for us. And continue to be there!







Friday, August 21, 2020

Re-edit /Surviving Multiple Sclerosis with Mzlittlejohn

How can people expect for you to open up to them about your feelings? When you speak to most people about them, they just start telling you about theirs, or what you should be doing. Most times it’s after you’ve exhausted almost all of your options. What I've been doing lately is writing about them.
If people take the time out to read my writings, they’d understand them better. With the things I have been going through ;although I feel it’s embarrassing, and people are looking at me differently ;this just works better.
I am at the point in my life where I can care less about how people feel. It's initially not for them, it's for me. And it actually helps me get it out. No interruptions, or hearing other peoples thoughts, or what they would do. 
I have to deal with the people telling me no. I have to deal with being sent to different programs. I have to deal with my children no longer having stability ;as well as not having an income, staying with other people, and not knowing if tomorrow will be the day that I’m told I have to leave.
Or having a conversation and seeing something that triggers my tears. Yes, I have those days. Days that I’d just rather be alone with my thoughts. Of Course there is some when I don’t need to be alone.
A lot of times that is my only option. Because right now I am not at liberty to have that option.
One day I’ll get back to not having to result to this. And maybe have conversations with someone who understands.
As of right now, it cannot be done. Especially if when have moments where I have to bite my tongue. Or end up with the conversation being about them or someone else and not me.
As of right now, the conversation's about my feelings. Lets just stick to it being written, typed, and maybe in one of my latest YouTube videos. Heck at the moment, it’s here. And will probably end up back here again.
Because trying to obtain followers on my YouTube page at the moment isn’t getting far. I’m not funny, refuse to do crazy stuff, and just have not quite found my niche with that.
At the moment, there aren't that many videos on there. Currently I’m at a stand still when it comes to what I’d like to talk about. The video I posted before the last was on trying to obtain voice over work. Can you believe they want you to pay upfront to find work? I mean if I had money, I wouldn't t be trying to pay them for work.
I wonder if I pay them, does it guarantee me jobs? Or leads or whatever they consider it? I’m afraid it’ll be a waste of time anyway.
I am not in no way saying that I am no longer interested. In fact I’m still trying to get around having to pay. I’m broke, can you blame me?
If you've gotten this far thank you. I’d say thanks for reading  this far. You're reading this piece written be me. And it is much appreciated. Since this seems to be the best way for me to get my feelings out; there will be more eventually. How often? That is what I’m not to sure about.
Check out my my YouTube page as. The links should be available here( on the left of the web version of this site. 
Please don't hesitate to comment. And follow this blog (again on the left of the web version of this page).


Monday, June 3, 2019

Insomnia along with a little fear

  Like most nights it was hard for me to fall asleeep. When I finally stopped reading on my kindle app(yes, I love to read. My writing/blogging just became a need to get things off my chest);put my phone down,and tried to get comfortable, I felt like my body was becoming immobile.
 I literally couldn’t move any of my limbs for almost a minute. Which has me terrified.
  So now instead of sleeping I’m still up writing this. That is why this is titled the way it is. Now I’d actually like to go to sleep. I’m afraid that if do go to sleep I’ll wake up and not be able to move. It sucks because I actually have an appointment in the morning. 
  I’ve read countless articles about things that could possibly happen to me. With me having the multiple sclerosis.Yet,to actually start experiencing these things is unnerving.
 In 2012 when I was diagnosed I had no idea what I was in for. The minor flare ups(relapses) I’ve had was like a walk in the park compared to this. 
One day I’m fine,the next I’m having spasms or shakes. Or weakness, tingling, and let’s not forget numbness.
 Why me? Why did this have to come disrupt my life? Have people looking at me as though I’m not doing enough? When in reality I cannot do too much. Can’t sit too long, can’t stand too long, and apparently can’t sleep too long. 
  I just want things to go back to how they were .And to go back to work. Not have to depend on people. Trust me if it bothers you could you imagine how I feel? Even though I’m grateful for all of the help.
  Just know I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Including my worse enemy!
   I need to get into a better living situation before things get to that point. So if you have a moment of time, a little compassion,or are just a prayer warrior;Take a moment and pray for me. As well as my babies!