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Showing posts with label housing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label housing. Show all posts

Friday, August 21, 2020

Re-edit /Surviving Multiple Sclerosis with Mzlittlejohn

How can people expect for you to open up to them about your feelings? When you speak to most people about them, they just start telling you about theirs, or what you should be doing. Most times it’s after you’ve exhausted almost all of your options. What I've been doing lately is writing about them.
If people take the time out to read my writings, they’d understand them better. With the things I have been going through ;although I feel it’s embarrassing, and people are looking at me differently ;this just works better.
I am at the point in my life where I can care less about how people feel. It's initially not for them, it's for me. And it actually helps me get it out. No interruptions, or hearing other peoples thoughts, or what they would do. 
I have to deal with the people telling me no. I have to deal with being sent to different programs. I have to deal with my children no longer having stability ;as well as not having an income, staying with other people, and not knowing if tomorrow will be the day that I’m told I have to leave.
Or having a conversation and seeing something that triggers my tears. Yes, I have those days. Days that I’d just rather be alone with my thoughts. Of Course there is some when I don’t need to be alone.
A lot of times that is my only option. Because right now I am not at liberty to have that option.
One day I’ll get back to not having to result to this. And maybe have conversations with someone who understands.
As of right now, it cannot be done. Especially if when have moments where I have to bite my tongue. Or end up with the conversation being about them or someone else and not me.
As of right now, the conversation's about my feelings. Lets just stick to it being written, typed, and maybe in one of my latest YouTube videos. Heck at the moment, it’s here. And will probably end up back here again.
Because trying to obtain followers on my YouTube page at the moment isn’t getting far. I’m not funny, refuse to do crazy stuff, and just have not quite found my niche with that.
At the moment, there aren't that many videos on there. Currently I’m at a stand still when it comes to what I’d like to talk about. The video I posted before the last was on trying to obtain voice over work. Can you believe they want you to pay upfront to find work? I mean if I had money, I wouldn't t be trying to pay them for work.
I wonder if I pay them, does it guarantee me jobs? Or leads or whatever they consider it? I’m afraid it’ll be a waste of time anyway.
I am not in no way saying that I am no longer interested. In fact I’m still trying to get around having to pay. I’m broke, can you blame me?
If you've gotten this far thank you. I’d say thanks for reading  this far. You're reading this piece written be me. And it is much appreciated. Since this seems to be the best way for me to get my feelings out; there will be more eventually. How often? That is what I’m not to sure about.
Check out my my YouTube page as. The links should be available here( on the left of the web version of this site. 
Please don't hesitate to comment. And follow this blog (again on the left of the web version of this page).

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Somewhat got an offer for housing

 So,I submitted all of the paperwork for housing. The offer was specifically for individuals with Multiple Sclerosis. I got all of the way up there and it was only for a one bedroom. And it was far away from my family and friends.

   68 miles away to be exact. I did submit the paperwork. Although I haven't gotten a call back. If I get it I'd have to take it until something better comes along. In the meantime. I'm still jumping from place to place.

 This particular time I called around to get a spot at the shelters. And of course they don't have any room. I'm happy I found somewhere to go though.

  I'll be filling out for the upcoming rap applications soon. I'd be beyond grateful if I was to get that. Especially if there's enough room for my kids. All three of them. There's nothing like everyone having their own space.

 I hope if you've taken the time out to read this that you'd take the time to share. 

Saturday, June 15, 2019

Not what you expected for me to be

   I didn't ask to be sick and need help. I didn't ask to have a messed up childhood. To have children at a young age and not have support.

  I've been biting my tongue for years. I've always felt like the outsider. Throughout this particular struggle I feel it even more.
 I got an opportunity and I'm still in a messed up position. No money,no stable place to lay my head(need to get to a shelter and can't even afford to get there), got a call back for housing and can't get what I need(misplaced my birth certificate and I need copies made), or get to the place(it's an hour and a half away).
  Things have been difficult for me my whole life. Some people would rather ignore that than to acknowledge it. I'm struggling now because of my health. Not because I do drugs or because I am a drunk(i'm literally broke can't afford neither one). This really hurts to know even throughout my trying i'm still being looked at like i'm not doing enough.

  I struggled to make sure my kids had/have things. With minimal help. I've been having my youngest used against me even to this day. Working since I was 16. At which point my main priority was making sure they had what they needed. Seemed like I was the only one that cared to make sure of that. They actually gave my life meaning.

 There's so much I want to write about. But I'll hurt a whole lot of peoples feelings. When I originally got the idea to start writing I wanted to write about my life. But because of my caring heart I chose not to.

   I've had hungry nights as a child.Heck and nights as an adult were my kids eating was all that mattered. Whore hand me down clothes. Slept in a house with messed up heat and at times no lights.

  I was bullied in my younger years. Fought to try and earn my respect. Got kicked out of school and went threw Juvenile detention. All because I had to go without stuff. Not many people knew about that.

  I'm sure this position isn't one I was destined to be in. Things could have been a lot different. I wonder why they weren't? Even being in this position I'm working on trying to make it better.

 I'm sorry I was not in a position to be get better opportunities. I'm sorry I'm sick and can't get more. I'm sorry I have to depend on other people. I'm sorry that I couldn't have money saved for times like this.

 I wish I could be back to work picking up hours. So I could back to my own little corner ignoring peoples existence. So, I wouldn't have to hear about what I'm doing wrong. Like they've ever been in my position.

With that being said my family still needs help.Please click on the link below and help and share.

Saturday, June 1, 2019

Thing haven’t gotten much better

 Things still haven’t gotten much better. I was able to put in some housing applications.And check up on others.
  Got a part time job offer. That I thought I’d have been able to do. No longer having a car and the hours required for training nipped that in the bud. I’m sad but I guess that position wasn’t for me.
  Yes,I’m still not 100% but the disability claim is  
taking forever.And we need the money. I hope I can find a part time;and they understands I could possibly have a flareup (relapse).
 Yet,I’m hopeful. I got a bit of good news this weekend. And with the help we’ve gotten was able to cover the past months bills. I hope this month will work its way out a little better.We kind of cut it close. 
  My dad came through again.Right on time. And my kids continued to rock it out. Through the trails and tribulations we were blessed.
  We’re currently still in the same positions. Things are slowly moving in a better position.Continue to keep us in your prayers. And maybe help out with our GoFundMe(https://www.gofundme.com/f/1p8w4rxvhc&rcid=r01-156450513723-ee5b0779b317458d&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w)if you can.To those of you that have already you’re appreciated !