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Showing posts with label mentalhealth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mentalhealth. Show all posts

Monday, July 1, 2019

Untitled

   There's so many thoughts going through my head. Some good and some bad. I'm unsure of how much more of this I can take. I'm already stressed out because I'm constantly trying to figure out ways to pull myself out of what It is I am going through.


 From me having to stay with other people (three times in 10 months). Not being able to spend time with my kids when I'd like to. Having to depend on other people for money.  Not knowing how I'm going to pay my bills.

 Then to feel like I'm bothering anyone for anything.When I'm not used to it at all. I actually enjoyed having my own place. Making my own money and moving to the beat of my own drum.

   Currently I'm sitting here on the break of tears wishing this would be over already.

 If I get a part time job; Will the employer be willing to except the fact that I may randomly need to take days off? I'm not talking about regular scheduled time of.I'm talking about times were I may have paresthesia (however its spelled), muscle spasms, or even the weakness I get occasionally. Stuff I get randomly with Multiple Sclerosis.

  It really bothers me. When people form opinions about my health. Just because this particular week was a good  one doesn't mean the next one will be.

I wish people would stop just assuming and maybe take a moment to ask: How I'm doing? What my mental health is like? What's on my mind at the moment?


 Stop acting as though I was grateful to not be making the almost $26 an hour I was making. Even though it was part time. I still managed to make enough to get by.

  I hate the fact that I'm subjected to sitting around awaiting a decision from disability. Or to try an get housing,section 8,or Rap. I assumed I wouldn't have had to go back to having to try and live off of those programs.

 It's bad that here in the State of Connecticut there aren't any programs available to help me. No emergency housing, income( the State of Connecticut turned me away for cash because my inexperienced with Multiple Sclerosis Doctor stated I can work 20 hrs. Yet,I got denied my med card for my Cdl. My Cna license expired years ago. And have little experience in other fields. ),or shelters here.


 How/why is there a waiting list for shelters?  Especially for people that have became sick. I've worked since I was 16 years old paid more than enough taxes in the state only to be turned away.

I guess I'm just having a moment right now.



Wednesday, June 12, 2019

This is week was a good week

 Health wise this was a great one. I had a migraine here and there. My migraine pills work most times. Other times I have to take Motrin or Aleve  to ease them. I actually just took two Aleve pills.
 
   It would probably be nice if I could take Tylenol like most people. Having allergies to certain stuff really sucks.   I'm just happy I don't have to walk around with an Epipen like a lot of people.

 Those of you that do make sure you always have it on hand.  Although last week I woke up with hives. And I have no idea what caused it. I kind of wish I had one then.I sure took them Benadryl  pills as fast as I could. The children's Benadryl would have worked even faster. There's no little babies around us so that was a no go.
 
 I think this particular migraine is caused by me stressing. I have bills that I can't afford to pay. So i'm concerned with how that going to get done. As well as i'm searching for something at the moment that I'd rather not talk about.

I mean you guys already know some of the things i'm searching for (housing, part time job, and how i'm going to keep this storage and phone bill paid). This is just something I'd rather not disclose at the moment.

  I have been applying for jobs. I'm either nowhere near the location. Or don't have a qualification or two they they're requiring. I wish I hadn't been denied my med card. Otherwise I'd be burning the road down in somebody's bus or company vehicle.

  Me driving for a living was kind of relaxing at times. When I was able to site see. And not have to focus so hard on the road and directions. And when I got lost lol. That's what my aunt and I act as though was a game. Even when we were really lost a couple times.

Anyway this migraine is still not easing up.  Even after me taking the Aleve. I'll try to write again later on this week. I just figured I'd come with an article today instead of more pictures and videos. Hopefully you all are or have enjoyed your day!

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Haha Video game/Mental health

I knew it.There was something wrong with them.Or is it? What are your thoughts.
    An ex of mine was really into video games.Which led to my son being just about the same way. I’m just wondering how in the heck do they sit for hours and only focus on this one game. Well some times more than one game.

One of my vocal media articles

      This is the first article I wrote when I decided to write. I had no idea what I was doing. If It was even worth doing so. After waiting a few days. I realized that I wasn't getting the results I was looking for. Although I'm grateful for the opportunity It gave me as a start.
      I'm no longer interested in writing and publishing through that particular site. 
     Which led me here. I have seen amazing results traffic wise. Not significant but  I do see a big difference. And here I'm not limited to the number of words I have to type. I could probably type one or two words and publish. As to were on there I not only have to type a certain amount of words; I have to make sure that it's written up to their standards. Standards that I don't feel creative writers shouldn't have to be limited to. Writing whatever I want and however I want is an amazing thing.
So if you have a little time please read my first published piece.

https://families.media/surviving-multiple-sclerosis-with-mz-littlejohn-2

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Surviving Multiple Sclerosis/ wishing I could go back to work

 Today I was online searching for jobs I could do part time. Work from home or any other job I could do part time. And I came across a site that I could sell my services to ( http://www.fiverr.com/s2/d913ce66a9 ).Funny Right?
  I say funny because;what services could I possibly sell to someone. I sat and I contemplated for a few and it came to me. I could wear clothes or products fit for plus size woman.
 It would have probably been really nice if I didn't have to put plus size. But, I will not complain. I'm trying to work.
  Although I have no experience doing so whatsoever. Of course my starting and only fee was currently beginning at $10. I can't say I sold myself short because I have no experience. If I get  the experience from doing It'll be changed ASAP.
  It's a big difference from what I made as a school bus driver. A job that I never thought I'd say I actually missed. Although I miss the money I made, I enjoyed most of the places it brought me, The students were wild at times but I miss them to. Especially the ones I spent years transporting. They drove me crazy and now it seems like i'm driving myself crazy.
 How do people do this?
 Sitting around all day trying to find work. In some cases not being able to at all.Which I'm also scared might be my issue eventually.
   Yes, I've been applying for different jobs. And I haven't gotten any call backs. More than likely it's from lack of experience.Which I wish I could have tried field other than Certified Nurse assistant (license expired) and Cdl class B license (that I had to downgrade). Both positions were unique. Offering me experience with  different people of all ages.
 I hope this works. Or these blogs and Youtube pages get to the point were I can make money from them.

Sunday, May 19, 2019

Surviving Multiple Sclerosis/ help and mental health


      I’ve happened to notice a few things. Over the past couple of months. People say when you need help to reach out. If you don’t speak on it no one know. When is it that when people do they turn a blind eye to it? Which takes a lot out of people because it is really embarrassing.
  Not everyone feels that way. And I understand that some people aren’t in a place to help. It just has me thinking some people end up in even worse situations because of it.
 Whether it be from friends, family, or even programs that are out here to(help) people.
 The programs that are out here to help people have many clauses. And to me most of them don’t make any sense. I sit and think on why people tend to go out and harm themselves and sometimes other people. Now, I understand some people tend to lie about things. Not everyone is built like that.
 A lot of people myself included really need help. And the only way to get them is to be an alcoholic, a drug addicted individual, or to live in a dangerous shelter(yes, I said that).
   Where is the programs for people like me; who can’t get assistance from the state except food stamps and medical(awaiting a disability decision)? What kind of help is really out there?
  I’ve applied for part time jobs. Although I don’t have that many degrees/certificates. The ones I did obtain in the past can’t be utilized. I previously held a Certification Nurse Assistant certificate as well as a commercial drivers license(class b with several endorsements).Both expired one because I hadn’t utilized it in years the other because my current health condition wouldn’t allow them to approve me to work.
Who really wants someone with Multiple Sclerosis(that occasionally has flare ups) driving them around or caring for sick individuals?
  I can’t go back work on my Associates degree, start any program, because I can’t do all of the hours. I’m limited to 20 hours. Which I’m unsure of whether or not I can actually do that. With me having weakness, numbness, tingling, and my leg sometimes giving out on me.
  Is it that people really don’t care, can’t, or won’t help people in positions like mine? Things of this nature really can have a hazardous affect on people’s mental health. Or does that not matter when people aren’t actually taking medication for it? Or not seeking professional help for it?
   I take enough meds already and would rather not have someone judge me any more than what they already are.
  I’m using these blogs and my YouTube channel to vent, gain insight, and eventually gain some type of income. As well as to help myself deal with my multiple sclerosis as well as other people.
 I am on sites: vocal media and  YouTube .Links provided if you have a moment check them out!


 https://vocal.media/authors/tatiana-littlejohn


https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOzvODbsdT35sTb4bcpj8VQ?view_as=subscriber